Lawyers get a bad rap, but deservedly so. Coming out of law school, I naively believed that the majority of attorneys were decent folk that were trying to make a living helping people out; only a few slimeballs give the public reason to view us no better (and maybe worse) than telemarketers and used-car salespersons. Sadly, as a result of interaction with opposing counsel over the past few days, I realize that I was mistaken. Most lawyers* are conniving sharks, while a few of us practice with integrity and respect toward our adversaries.So, I invite you to send your best lawyer jokes. Mock us. Deride us. Make us feel like the scum-sucking leeches on society that we (mostly) are. I'm game for it. Do your worst, but keep it clean - Lisa Jones, I'm talking to you :p
*Of course, I'm referring to private practice, not those who work for a pittance in the public sector. If all lawyers were like Atticus Finch, the world would be a much better place.
The author reserves the right to change his opinion regarding his general view of the members of his profession at any time.
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"Ignorance of the law excuses no man - from practicing it."
- Adison Mizner
What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge
Q: What’s wrong with lawyer jokes?
A: Lawyers don’t think they’re funny and other people don’t think they’re jokes.
My personal favorite is a line from the Bee Movie. A cow asks a mosquito, "You're an attorney?!" The mosquito replies, "I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase!"
You know, I don't have a joke, but I do agree with this post. I'm just grateful that there are good lawyers out there to fight for your rights when you actually need them.
Abraham Lincoln (I'm pretty sure) said "That which is legally right is not always morally right."
We need more good men like you!
and
you can add this one to your collection:
"If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you...
go to lunch or read the paper? "
OK Jon, this is for you...
Two Boys' Fathers....
Having just moved to a new home, a young boy meets the boy next door. "Hi, my name is Billy," he says, "what's yours?"
"Tommy," replied the other.
"My daddy's an accountant," says Billy. "What does your daddy do?"
"He's a lawyer," Tommy answers.
"Honest?" says Billy.
"No, just the regular kind."
and here is another...
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech>
A: When you die, a leech will stop sucking your blood and drop off.
Oh and this one is good too!
Q: How does an attorney sleep?
A: First he lies on one side and then on the other.
Man Jon, I can't believe how many Lawyer jokes there are. Why is that?
These are great! I am impressed. Keep them coming. Maybe I'll have to do a poll on whose is the best.
Lisa, to answer your question, because everybody is jealous of us :)
How do you get a bunch of lawyers to smile for a picture? Just say, "Fees."
I've always liked that one!
Have you heard that scientists are now using lawyers in their experiments instead of lab rats? There are 3 reasons:
1. Lawyers are a lot more plentiful than lab rats.
2. The scientists don't get emotionally attached to the lawyers.
and
3. There are some things that even lab rats won't do.
wow! so many good jokes. how can we vote for just one???
D&C 9 gives good advice on how to make a decision :)
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